Anticipation is the worst feeling in the world, seconded only by laziness. I anticipate things and they don't happen, realistic or unrealistic my subconscious takes over and I think whatever the hell I want to think, going over the boundaries, over the likelihoods into a place that is not going to happen, and in the end, nothing happens.

I can see myself as an old woman looking back and cussing out all the anticipation I've ever let myself do, my monster of imagination terrorizing what I think, altering reality, twisting the truth until it fits my hypothesis. Until it fits what I want my life to be like. How childish to let myself think this way–how lazy of me. I'm too lazy to do many things, everything, and I sit in a puddle of will do later's and won't do's. I'm almost sure that these are ideas that I would do if it were not for my laziness.

But one thing is for sure; I cannot do this anymore, I cannot keep in touch because it is harder, I'd rather stick to the now instead of sticking to the yesterday thanks to laziness, laziness, laziness.

I will never do anything exactly the way I want to. Why? Because of the anticipation of doing something; and because of my lazy mind convincing myself not to do it. Frankly, I shall never get anywhere, but I anticipate different. I always always anticipate, and I will always let myself down.