I don't know what I'm going to do about this blog. Blog, it sounds so crude, so empty....I really don't know. It feels like my heart in here, my mind, rambling off things that don't matter, or shouldn't matter. Things that pop into my head and out of it–no one takes me seriously after all, as they do not any girl my age.
I don't know what I expected with this place. Perhaps I dreamt up that a publisher would suddenly push adoration on me and I would become a star. Or perhaps I thought that I would be consoled by a sea of fans, a sea of listeners, watching every step I take. Every dream that I have dreamed has come alive on this blog. Those of love, hate, embarrassment. Every unoriginal thought has danced for me, and I have now seen the patheticness of my efforts.
I now see that this is going nowhere, and was never going to go anywhere in the first place. The sick and shitty thing about life is that you never know what is going to benefit you and what is not. It seemed like a fresh start with this blog, a revolution for me, something that I would keep and love and adore. Something I could care for, and a sanctuary for those who would care for me. But where are the fans? Where are the publishers? Where are the handsome boys who race up to me and confess their undying love?
Let's face it. All these wishes, all these things, are part of the racing of my mind, the beating of my soul, attached in a world of both imagination and the dreadful fantasized evils I will never reach and therefore are declared as so. I have risked both heart, soul, and identity in this blog and now it is all over. I haved imagined and wondered and smiled. I have laughed and cried and pitied. I was dancing over this blog. I was dancing with the most beautiful person in the world,and now–now the music has taken pause, and realization floods my face, the spotlight is gone, the dress, the shoes, the feel of his hands around my neck and now!

I am crying in an empty room.